April: Sexual Awareness Month

In 1992, Italy, an 18 year old girl was raped by her driving instructor. He was incarcerated but later appealed and was released under the claim that her jeans were “too tight, therefore she must have helped to take them off” herself.

On the last Wednesday of April in 1999, the first “Denim Day” was held to show solidarity and support for both the victim of this crime, as well as victims everywhere.

April became Sexual Assault Awareness Month. 

Sexual assault is a taboo topic, and one that many dont fully understand. It’s easy to get confused over the different terms used to describe it but in general sexual assault refers to ANY sexual contact, underneath or on top of clothing, without explicit consent; this includes rape, forced kissing, touching/fondling, or any other non-consentual sexual acts. Statistics show that 69% of assault victims are from the ages 12-34 and 98% of victims under the age of 18, know their abuser. 

The perpetrators are not always adults either, perpetrators can include minors. Child on child sexual abuse (COCSA) is often overlooked or dismissed as “curiosity” but this explanation demeans the victims of such crimes. COCSA can happen between siblings, cousins, boyfriends/girlfriends, or friends. This can occur when there's a power imbalance such as age or size, and oftentimes the child committing these acts could have been a victim themselves, or boundaries may have been unclear. Regardless of any explanation, a victim’s story is valid and it is never the victim's fault. 

Not too long ago the phrase “no means no” went viral across the internet around the same time the #metoo movement was popular, but this phrase overlooks the many complexities of sexual assault. While a “no” means “no”, what happens when someone says “I don’t know”? The phrase “I don’t know” also means “no”, because it is said with doubt and confusion.  

Equally, a “yes” that changes to a “no” also means “no”. And cases where someone said “no” multiple times but the other person kept insisting until the person gave in out of coercion or fear, is also considered a “no”.

 Many victims report feeling isolated and shameful. Telling your story can feel daunting, but it is important to remember that there are resources and people willing to listen when you are ready, no matter how much time has passed. Don’t feel ashamed to speak up and receive the help you need. Having a support system will help you in your journey from a victim to a survivor, to living your life without shame, because you deserve better. If you feel like you are going through this alone, or are afraid no one will believe you, know I believe you and I see your struggle. 

Please check out this resource to learn more about help for sexual abuse.

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