A Misunderstood Reality: Living with ADHD

Updated: Nov 2, 2024

Alongside other campaigns like Breast Cancer Awareness and Domestic Violence Awareness, October is also widely recognized as ADHD Awareness Month. ADHD stands for Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder.

What is ADHD?

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, “Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a developmental disorder marked by persistent symptoms of inattention and/or hyperactivity and impulsivity that interfere with functioning or development.” There are actually three types of ADHD:

Primarily hyperactive/impulsive - Symptoms include impulsivity (interrupting others, acting without thinking) and hyperactivity (not being able to sit still, struggling to stay on and complete tasks, talking a lot).
Primarily inattentive - Symptoms include trouble concentrating or paying attention when someone is talking to you, trouble paying attention to details, and forgetfulness.
Combined - Those diagnosed with combination ADHD have both inattentive and hyperactive/impulsive symptoms.

Some people think that ADHD only entails having lots of energy and a hard time focusing, but there is a lot more struggle that comes with having ADHD beyond the surface-level symptoms.

Myth vs. Reality: Living with ADHD

Here are some myths about living with ADHD and the truth behind some commonly believed misconceptions:

Myth: Only boys have ADHD

According to the CDC, twice as many boys are diagnosed with ADHD than girls. However, this has more to do with girls with ADHD not showing as much hyperactivity as boys with the disorder may. Hyperactivity is more noticeable and disruptive, which makes diagnosis more straightforward.

Girls (especially in childhood) are much more likely to exhibit inattentive symptoms, which historically, are seen as low grades in school, an inability to complete work or remember assignments, and poor organizational skills. While these symptoms can hinder the child’s grades and classroom performance, they may be seen as a student being “lazy” as opposed to struggling to manage symptoms of ADHD.

Erin’s Reality: I consider myself “lucky” to have been diagnosed with ADHD very early on in life. Unlike many young girls, I have hyperactive dominant ADHD so my high levels of energy were impossible to ignore in a classroom setting. Although I was diagnosed in elementary school, I didn’t have any education on or understanding of what having ADHD meant.

There were many times when I acted impulsively – such as the time I punched a kid in my 3rd grade class (I was grounded for three months that summer and had to write 10,000 sentences saying “I will not hit others.”) or when I pushed someone in the pool in high school (without thinking about the fact that they had their phone in their pocket – my parents had to pay for a new phone for the kid I pushed).

Myth: People with ADHD can’t focus on anything for a long time

Reality: Inattention or trouble focusing are major parts of inattentive ADHD. What may not be well known about people with ADHD, however, is that we can experience a phenomenon called ‘hyperfixation’.

Hyperfixations are an intense passion for one activity or subject that an individual is very interested in and can spend many hours obsessing over. A non-ADHDer may refer to this as a “flow state”, however, for someone with ADHD, falling into hyperfixation means that everything outside of that subject or project falls away. You can be working on one project for hours at a time, sometimes forgetting to eat or sleep in the process. While hyperfixating is not exclusively negative, it can be especially disruptive or unhealthy as an adult with ADHD who may have children or pets relying on you for food or care.

Erin’s Reality: One of my lifelong hyperfixations has been reading. Thanks in part to my hyperactivity, I didn’t have many friends growing up. So I turned to books. In first grade, I tested into the 12th grade reading level. I’m currently working on book 37 out of my 50 book reading challenges for the year.

“Individuals with ADHD do not have a deficit of attention; they have an abundance of attention. The challenge is controlling it.”

Myth: ADHD is just “not sitting still”

Reality: While we’ve already covered some of the symptoms and struggles people with ADHD will deal with in their lifetimes, the complications and effects of dealing with ADHD in our world can be extremely negative. Some of these include:

Low self-esteem - When you have ADHD you may struggle to complete or remember tasks. Failing to complete tasks for school or work is seen as just that – a failure. Teachers or employers may not recognize or understand the struggle you are facing, and in turn, may blame you for failing to follow through on the task. Over time, years and years of these perceived “failures” stack up and weigh on you causing you to see yourself as someone incapable of doing “anything right”.
- Erin’s Reality: Like many women with ADHD, I struggled more in my college years and beyond. As someone with hyperactivity type ADHD, playing sports gave me an outlet for my excessive physical energy. However, years of not understanding why it felt like I was struggling so much more than the people around me and not having the words to talk about it took its toll.
Trouble in relationships - Another symptom of ADHD is something called “emotional dysregulation”. Emotional dysregulation is heightened emotions – simply put, certain people with ADHD feel things more intensely than others. Heightened emotions can be hard to control. When you have ADHD, what could start as a normal argument with your significant other may spiral out of control as you struggle to maintain your composure in conflict. (Editor’s note: If you struggle with emotional dysregulation, you can learn strategies to process and handle your emotions. There is never an excuse to treat someone else abusively. For more information, see our piece “Love Shouldn’t Hurt”.)
- Erin’s Reality: I had no knowledge of what aspects of my personality were me and what might be symptoms of ADHD that I could learn to manage. One result of this was that I grew up holding a lot of shame for who I was and the ways I behaved. In my final two years of college, I found myself in an abusive relationship with someone who took advantage of my lack of self-esteem as well as my poor short-term memory (another symptom of ADHD).
Correlation with depression and anxiety - According to ADDitude, “it’s estimated that 18% of adults with ADHD also have major depressive disorder, and about half of adults with ADHD have anxiety.” Depression and anxiety are major disruptors to life and are more common in patients with ADHD when ADHD has gone undiagnosed or untreated.
- Erin’s Reality: After graduation, I sought therapeutic and psychiatric help as I struggled to keep up with the increasing workload at my job. One myth I believed as someone with ADHD: I thought you could grow out of ADHD from childhood. Eventually, I was re-diagnosed with ADHD with an additional diagnosis of depression. I started weekly therapy, where I worked with my therapist to learn skills to manage my overwhelming emotions as well as coping mechanisms for ADHD symptoms. While my psychiatrist prescribed medication for both my ADHD and depression to help me manage the symptoms short-term, the real work came in my therapy sessions where I learned coping strategies that taught me how to manage both conditions better in my day-to-day life.

ADHD: Disability or Ability?

As we recognize October as ADHD Awareness Month, we take time to acknowledge the struggles those with ADHD battle and overcome daily. One of those struggles can be viewing yourself as someone with a “disability”. As our society slowly moves towards a more inclusive environment for people of all abilities, some specialists are seeking to destigmatize ADHD by renaming it VAST, which stands for “variable attention stimulus trait”. As Ned Hallowell, M.D., and John Ratey, M.D. state, “Individuals with ADHD do not have a deficit of attention; they have an abundance of attention. The challenge is controlling it.”

Erin’s Reality: Like many women and people who deal with untreated ADHD, I struggled quietly for years in many different areas of life and needed a lot of support to get to where I am today. Now, I can acknowledge and appreciate all the benefits my ADHD has given me:

Creativity: I’ve worked for over seven years in marketing and social media and my creative ideas and ability to problem-solve in different ways have landed me jobs more than once.
Compassion: Having gone through so many trials early on in life, it’s natural for me to think about what someone else may be going through and to put myself in their shoes.
Spontaneity: My mind works differently than others which makes me funny, witty, and quicker in conversation than I might be otherwise.
Resiliency: Moving through life feeling like you’re at a detriment and still making it through everything gives you a certain sense of confidence in your ability to handle conflicts that come up in daily life. Now, when I’m faced with a hard situation, I can think back to all I have overcome and know that I can handle anything.
High levels of energy: Even the thing that got me into the most trouble as a kid has a place in my life now. I’m easily excited – which makes many things in life feel brighter – and I have the energy to follow my passions and chase the things I want with more determination.

I “graduated” from therapy after two years of weekly sessions. I still struggle to remember to let others speak and try not to interrupt them when I’m excited, but overall, I know and understand how ADHD shows up in my life much better than I did when I was younger. I have learned many time management techniques that help me be successful in my work, and I also know and understand that the way I work may not always fit in with the neurotypical standard – but it works for me.

If you struggle to manage your ADHD symptoms, help is available. Free resources and articles exist across all sections of the internet (my favorite is ADDitude). Talking to your friends who also struggle with ADHD symptoms can help you both feel understood. Asking your doctor about therapy for ADHD can get you started on a path to manage your symptoms more easily and live life more happily.